And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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