Cold hands, warm shart.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
