she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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