so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
