I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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