Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
your like the ambassador to my penis.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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