he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
