I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
