I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
