I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
