Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
