Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
