So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
