I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
