I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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