My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
