Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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