More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
