next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
