I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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