So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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