I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
