I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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