I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
