we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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