Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
