I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
