My liver just broke up with me...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
