his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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