I can tuck mytits in my pants
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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