my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
