But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
