you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
