i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
