I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
