You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
