i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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