I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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