wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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