Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
