My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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