I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
