Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
