were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
