I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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