just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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