oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
