to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
