I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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