What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
