D3 body, D1 cock
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
