you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
