So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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