i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
